I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
