he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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