If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
