Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize