you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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