Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize