i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize