I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
