you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think my fart just growled at me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
