ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
