so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Green mimosas i think yes
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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