I hate your face
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
