It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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