Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
