i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
