I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
