i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
