She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
