she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
