Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
