Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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