8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize