the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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