he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
