On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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