I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
