I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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