One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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