I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
