I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
