I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
