Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
