She is in my trunk
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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