I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
