I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she woke up with a sticky ear
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
