They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
