My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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