Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my sisters under your porch take her home
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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