well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
