Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she pinky promised me she was 18
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Randomize
