you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
