I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
