This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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