yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
