I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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