just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
