loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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