he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
