I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You pole danced in your parka.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
