I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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