i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
