I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
