apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
