my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
