I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
