I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think my vagina is haunted
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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