while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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