I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
