I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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