i just google imaged poop.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I fill condoms, not promises.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
