After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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