They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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