yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
