you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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