what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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