You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
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