Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
