i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
